I puked a lego.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
