Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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