He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
