...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
