I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
