I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
