unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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