i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
