Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
