I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
