Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize