Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We named our party play list daddy issues
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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