Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
A+ Viking dick
Why are your pants in the freezer?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
