I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
