i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
