This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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