You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The maid of honor just puked.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
