Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
