Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
