he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
