In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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