she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize