I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
