The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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