Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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