so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
