I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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