Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
love makes seman taste better
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
