Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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