She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
