i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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