I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
