my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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