Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
