you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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