I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
