Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
