dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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