he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
