I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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