why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
