everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
