Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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