Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
