You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
