Can Purell be used as lube?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
