Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
