I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
whose ass print is on the piano?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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