i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
