I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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