I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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