I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
