It's Friday. Sex?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
