once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
