Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
