That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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