now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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