Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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