Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
