so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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