Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
