my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
