you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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